You’re a winner, Aries— number one, the best of the best, always first place! But, it’s obnoxious of you to go around parading this fact during most days of the year. Take advantage of Halloween by displaying your awards and medals— be a zombie pageant queen.

Be a giant pot leaf. Or, do what you really want to do, which is not put any kind of costume together, because you’re too lazy. Instead, buy some treats to give out to kids who ring your doorbell— or, even better, save all the candy for yourself!

Do a group costume, Gemini— if you’re going to make a fool of yourself by dressing up on Halloween now that you’re an adult, you would rather humiliate yourself with some friends than do it alone.

You’re so nostalgic, Cancer, I give you permission to use this holiday to dress up as you’ve been dying to dress— as yourself from a long time ago, from your scene days, back in high school!

You love Halloween because it’s the perfect time to get dressed up in all of your over the top, gaudy clothing that you can’t wear all at once on any other day of the year. Be your best/worst self, you glamour puss!

Be a sexy accountant. Or, a sexy farmer. Or, a sexy astronaut. Whatever you will be, Virgo, make it sexy, and, as they say, dress for the job you want.

Obviously, you need to go in a couples costume, because like Valentine’s day, Halloween is one of the holidays you get to remind your significant other, or your crush, who their boss is.

Halloween is your holiday, Scorpio! Dress as your true self: A mysterious, brooding witch who speaks to the other side and also happens to have a sick collection of fishnets, chokers, and harnesses.

Whatever you dress up as this year, Sagittarius, try not to blow too much money on it. Go through your own closet for your costume— be the worst trends of 2017!

You already scare the hell out of everyone, Capricorn, so you don’t need to get dressed up. But, you do work too hard, so make sure to party as hard as possible this Halloween.

You dress like a weirdo every day of the year, Aquarius, so really freak everyone out today by looking totally normal and boring. Talk to people about pumpkin spice lattes for more screams.

Oh, flakey Pisces. You’ll put a costume together, but it will somehow unravel before the night begins and you’ll just end up wearing the same outfit you always do, except that out of anxiety, you’ll trim your own bangs or something, and really scare the shit out of yourself.


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